Sometimes it feels like gay men are fixated on having sexy bodies.

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Have you stopped to think recently about how you perceive yourself as a man, and your self-worth, and how much of that is related to how your body looks?

“Real men are tough, strong, big and hairy” is the message we got from our childhood. That’s not true for gay men’s bodies or straight men’s bodies though, is it? Real men are real men, they’re just men, they’re real, that’s enough. “Good” men are whatever you decide you want them to be. “Sexy” is what you perceive it to be. It’s not set in stone and there’s no universal measure. You can choose to buy into the narrative and worry and stress about perceptions, or you can opt out and simply live your own truth.

However, if you’re gay and lonely; gay and looking for love; gay and struggling with self-love; gay and wanting to ‘fit in’ and belong – you’re still going to care about men’s perception of your body.

There’s a distinct difference between allowing yourself to care what others think too much, vs just meeting the mark of what you think. One is a never ending quest for satisfaction and goal-attainment, the other has a definite range of ‘good enough’ that does satisfy. Gay men can get a double-whammy of questions in this area because our bodies are so damn similar! Do I want to be him… or be with him… You can and will figure out what you want for you, and in him, if you sit with it, don’t fight your truth and accept yourself and what you want simply because it is.

Let’s get right to the heart of the matter.

The best outcome for anyone is to feel at home in their body; the one that most suits who we are inside. We want to display our real self through our physical presence, because we want to be seen by people who like the real us.

Everything else is game playing or unnecessary, unhelpful judgment.

If you’re comfortable, and not compensating for perceived deficiencies, with your masculinity or physicality, and want to play around with it, go right ahead and enjoy it! Hit the gym, pump iron, run marathons, use moisturiser twice daily, get tattoos and piercings and get whatever body feels awesome and fun to live in for yourself.

If you’re trying to change the outside for your own approval or the approval of others, to fix how you feel inside, you’re perhaps going about it backwards. That’s what’s up.

If people want to judge you and your body, that’s their prerogative and their burden (because when we judge others we judge ourselves). You can be you and love yourself, and go for the body you prefer to have as soon as you’re ready – this does not reply on other’s approval or positive commentary or Insta likes. Have fun!

Life is happening every single day. Why not get completely on top of yours so you can make it how you like it?! Perhaps a little coaching is what you need.

You can book a free consult with me today and

Much love,

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Self-Empowerment for Gay Men

Brown Bear’s Mission is to help gay men become the most well-adjusted, self-loving and effective people on the planet.

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